I'm Sorry That Sometimes It's Almost Heartbreaking...

I'm sorry that there has always been a small part of both of us that has held on to whomever else we had at the moment instead of doing what we really desired about each other.

You're right, we are always at different places & always with someone else...& yet we always love each other & want to be together. I'm sorry for both of us that something has always held us back...& I'm sorry that it's now came to the point that which we're both at in life right now, especially.

I've always wondered & even contemplated for years what exactly has kept us from doing what we've always known we should. I'm sorry that we opportunities have been there, despite that they may not have been great ones. We could have taken them & we haven't. I know you've questioned the reasoning too...It's not all the orbiting of the planets & the spinning of the cosmos, it has been our decisions as well.

I'm sorry that sometimes I think that it has always been that it's because it's so right - so genuinely, inconceivably perfect, that we've both given ourselves some reason to not be together or to not take that step. Whether it has been a person in our lives that was or even was not disposable, whether it was where we were financially or with our jobs, or mentally, emotionally-LMAO! I'd even go as far, simply because we are so honest, that we'd find a personality flaw (for lack of a better term), a characteristic, something we know about one another, an extension of our lives that produces certain obvious difficulties, or what the fuck ever & use that as our excuse because it's just too damn scary to imagine that a relationship could really be the way that it is between us.

I'm sorry but I think that we are the kind of people that seek the realistic version of things. Not pessimistic but realistic & sometimes optimism is there, but we're just to technical & seek the outcome of things too much to see anything other than the truth. I don't think we could imagine any relationship being like we are together so we just don't want to lose what we have or had at the time... & The truth is that we don't believe in perfection. We've never found it in anything, especially the things we do & most certainly the decisions we make!

I'm sorry we always give to everyone else. I'm sorry we where giving to the people that we loved & felt obligated to at the time, as we do now. We are, essentially, selfless.

I'm sorry that we try to hide it & that we run from it...& I'm really sorry that I literally run from it. I'm sorry that everyone sees it, that it's so damn obvious to the world.

We will have days like we used to again, but when we do, we will have them everyday from then on. Boxers or not - Hell, who needs clothes??? I'm just sorry we have to give what little bit we can when we can...& I'm sorry that I can't give more. Thank you for understanding because you just don't realize what will happen to me & us... I will not be able to be the same anymore.

You're right, we will eventually run away, have enough, give up, whatever. Waking up & seeing you there was so - well, there isn't a word. I'm sorry that having you around is so wonderful. It's not going to be a good thing here in about three months when your life has changed. You will understand. I'm sorry that it's not easier, but I'm happy it's fun! I'm happy that we can still make each other happy!

I'm not sorry that I love you.