Suddenly I'm at a Crossroads

I'm sorry that suddenly I'm at a crossroads and I'm scared. Give me a sign, someone, and help me through this. Run with it, or take a well-worth risk.

That You Are So Angry

I am sorry that you are so angry. I just was not happy anymore. There are so many reasons why and the fact that you know none of them show that you were totally out of tune with our marriage. Its over though. Move on. I have and although I feel sorry for you, I am not sorry that I don't love you anymore.

The Coward 2

I'm sorry you're such a coward.

Sorry You Found That Journal

I'm sorry you found that journal after we were married. I'm sorry you had to learn about that part of my past. I'm even sorrier that it made you question my masculinity and made it difficult for you to be intimate with me. It drove you to your affair with Tim. I'm sorry that we are no longer together as a result. I am the same man you married but you no longer see me that way. I'm sorry you feel like you can no longer be happy with me or trust me. I'm sorry I feel that I can no longer trust you because you lied to me about your trip to New Bern. You spent the night in the hotel with Tim and you lied to me about it. I'm sorry for it all.

For that One Moment

You were perfect, except in that one moment. I'm sorry that one moment meant we could never see each other again.

It was probably for the best.. but I miss you. I'm ashamed to say it, but you could've saved me from so much. Yours is the life I would take refuge in when mine isn't going so well. I don't sound so strong now, do I?

On the other hand, through you I learned that sometimes one moment should be all it takes to let someone go. Things can be done in a moment that can change the course of a life. Moments cannot be relived, or revoked; and the time before them cannot be regained - only regretted or regaled. It should have been enough, what he did, for me to walk away (and call the police); but it wasn't. He was good to me, except in that one instance, but the gravitas of that moment meant no going back and I wish I'd had enough self-respect to have immediately ruled out trying to recapture what came before.

I started out by apologising to you for walking away, but if I'd learned to do that sooner I wouldn't have to apologise to myself: I'm sorry I let that one weakness spread and infect so many years.

If I Broke Your Heart

I'm sorry if I broke your heart. My intentions are pure and stepping away from you is hurting me too.

It was my belief for a really long time that I could improve your life, but I'm certain now that it would only be bettered by my removal from it.

You know I love you, but we both know what little difference this makes. I need someone real, and here. In the present, in my presence. What you need is the opposite. You crave the company of ghosts and you're only comfortable when shrouded in your loss.

I'm sorry because I thought I could save you from it, but you're never going to let me.

xXx

Your Driver's License

I found your driver's license and gave it to my friend so she could use it as a fake to get into bars. I'm so sorry!

I Messed My Whole Life Up

I messed my whole life up. I know this and I'm sorry to everyone who tried time and time again to help me and i just have this way of messing up again. You spent so much time, money, and love on me and I don't seem to be able to make anything better. I have no initiative to make myself better and I wish everyone didn't care as much. Everyone else caring just makes me feel that much worse about myself. I hope this is the end of my bad times. Everyone tells me that everything happens because I'm strong enough to get through it. I want to apologize if next time I'm just not strong enough anymore.

Beautiful & Maybe Still a Lil Pathetic

I'm sorry I initially started dating you because you are friends with my daughter's fathers Attorney. I'm sorry you're such a lousy kisser. I'm sorry your frustratingly small. My beloved X is probably yet a bit smaller than you but damn it's true when they say it's the "Motion in the Ocean" . I'm sorry you drive an ugly Geo. I'm not shallow but damn dude(!) I'm sorry I asked for a Tiffany bracelet for Christmas. I only choose it because you non-challantly mentioned THREE times how "well off" you are. I choose the cheapest one for crying out loud, ONLY two Bens! Sheesh, why'd you have to make me feel like a gold-digger?!. If I WAS a gold-digger I wouldn't be with you. I'm sorry I let you get comfortable with ME driving 30miles out of my way every weekend to come & see you. I'm sorry that you don't like Chicago. I was born & raised & LOVE it!I really started liking you. Although, it may have alot to do with the fact that you will soon be in law enforcement & possibly the F.B.I. I love the Police. It takes a strong person to do such an honorable job. I have high respect for the Police. I'm sorry I don't think your man enough for me. I wish you the best in your life chosen career. Somehow I think your man enough to go Federal, but not man enough to handle a woman like me. I'm sorry I plan to keep you only until Valentine's day. I'm sorry I still thinking about my X. Three frkn years later...I still love him. I'm not sure I'd go back to him, but the times were good. He was my best friend. I don't think we could ever be that close, no wear near. I'm sorry I'm so frkn PATHETIC. Hey, at least I'm Beautiful!

Chicago, IL

I Think I Can Fall in Love with You

I'm sorry that I'm going to continue seeing, calling, and texting you as much as I can! I think I can fall in love with you, and I know everything will be fine... Because you're falling in love with me too!

Juan Carlos Navarro

I am sorry I criticised (sic) the Grizzlies' Juan Carlos Navarro before he showed us that he is such a good player. We love JCN now!

About the Sun

I'm sorry about the sun. How could I know that you'd get burned.

Your Husband

I am sorry that I let your husband kiss me.

The Other Side of the Coin

I'm sorry that most of apologies posted on the blog are one sided , not keeping in mind the other side of the coin

Pulsating Through Me

I'm not sure who I am apologizing to. Maybe it's you. Or maybe it's me.

I can't get the thoughts of you out of my mind. Pulsating through me.

Our first kiss, amazing, the way your hand always found mine, your intoxicating scent, your lips pressing against mine, the feeling of security and the butterflies every time your arms were around me, the feeling of your warm body against mine. I'm sorry I miss you. I'm sorry I can't forgive myself for letting you slip away. I remember what you said to me, the times you told me how much you cared, how I was special. I told myself I was strong, I could live without you, I can, I just don't want to.

For Sitting Back and Doing Nothing

I'm sorry I didn't tell you how much I love you.

I'm sorry that I was such an idiot.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you how good you make me feel, how safe I feel when I'm with you, how much I want you to hold me.

I'm sorry that I wasted time crying when I should have been telling you everything.

I'm sorry that I didn't have enough confidence to face you.

I'm sorry for sitting back and doing nothing.

We Are Still Together

I'm sorry that I cheated on you, however briefly and for stupid reasons. I love you still and am glad we are still together!

Without a Word

I'm sorry that you left my life without a word...

That I Broke Your Heart

I'm sorry that I broke your heart.

Family Comes First

I am sorry that you had to spend thanxgiving alone....but realize it didnt have to be that way...

If you weren't such a jerk to me....you coulda been with me and my family.

If you weren't such a jerk to your family....you could have been with them.

Friends come and go.....remember that...family comes first.

I was your family....my family was your family...but you didnt want that anymore...proven by your actions.

I am sorry you are too proud and stubborn to realize that....

and I am sorry you will never know how much we miss you.

BTW...where are all your "friends" now.....come.......and gone.

I am sorry that you will have to spend Christmas alone as well......

I Could Have Written This Myself

To the author of For Ranting About Nonsensical Emotional Crap below. I could have written this myself. It's so accurate it's scary. I've made so many mistakes and I hate myself. I'll never be happy. I'm a good person but can't act like one for any length of time. I'm a betrayer, a saboteur. And the worst thing is, I hurt myself more than anyone with my bad decisions. Too much thinking. It hurts so much. I'm so sorry. Your post makes more sense than anything I've ever read.

Who I Was Hanging Out With

I'm sorry that I told my dad I was hanging out with you, even though I was really hanging out with someone that I'm ashamed to admit I hung out with.

Now I'm even more ashamed to apologize to you after my dad called you to ask where I was when I didn't answer my cell phone (the battery was dead).

I'm sorry I deleted the confused message you left. I couldn't bare to even listen to it.

That I Went to Your Place of Work

I'm sorry that I went to your place of work... even though I used the shitty excuse of getting my stuff back... I had no right to show up the way I did. I'm sorry that you had me removed by security from your building.. I can honestly say that I nearly hate you for that. It's always okay for you to do things or for you to behave a certain way but when I do.. you remove me. I changed my number and decided so because I needed to be proactive but I'm sorry that you continue to lie to yourself. I don't want to see you, to talk to you, to know how you are... and I'm not sure if I'm sorry for that but what you did was something a total and complete bitch would do. As you are........... I'm sorry.

- c.r.

I Just Cut You Out of My Life

Georg - I'm sorry I just cut you out of my life without even having the courage to call you, write you or talk to you. I was overwhelmed and needed to go back to my life ... and just to let you know, Karma is a bitch, and a dear friend hurt me the same way ... only I still have to see this friend at work. I had a lucid dream ... and could read writing on every signpost, water tower, house and it said Georg ... and I felt the despair that I caused you and knew. Love and Light M

The Beautiful Side of Life

why don't YOU feel sorry? why don't YOU fight for us? why don't YOU love me?

maybe you are right in everything you said.

yes, you are right. we don't have a chance to be happy together. because you believe in the bad side of love. you are afraid of getting hurt, that's why you don't leave me enter in your life.

you think that i am strong, i can handle it. but i need you. i want you. i believe in you. and i wait for you. it cannot end like this. we deserve to get a chance.

and you know what?

i don't feel sorry for my feelings. i just feel sorry for you. i feel sorry because you don't want to enjoy the beautiful side of life....with me.

This Semester

I'm sorry that I didnt try harder this semester...I know I'm not a complete dumbass...:(

Your Controlling Psycho Sister

I'm sorry I hate your controlling psycho sister. She needs to realize the fact that we are married now and she can't cling to you anymore. After all, she's got her rich married boyfriend so you need to tell her to stop asking money from us.

Job Seekers Beware

I'm sorry that every job I've interviewed for in the last month was nothing like the job description posted online. Job seekers beware!!!

Not Enough of a Woman

I'm sorry that I'm not enough of a woman to make you feel loved, sexy and wanted. Apparently, she's a better woman than I am.

I'm sorry that feeling like I could be replaced at a moment's notice makes me feel insecure. And by keeping her on the hook, that's what you're doing... letting me know that you could replace me ANY time.

I'm sorry I can't let this go, even though I realize that it's making you hate me. And I'm sorry that I am afraid this is going to end very messily.

I'm sorry I don't believe you when you say she means nothing, that you don't have "that kind" of relationship with her. If you didn't, then telling her goodbye would be easy and obviously it ISN'T easy or you'd have done it by now.

I'm sorry that I'm thinking of telling you to please choose one of us, knowing that I am not going to be the one you choose.

I'm sorry that she's so important to you that you're willing to tear our family apart and throw away the future we've planned. I know there will be no fight, you'll leave the kids with me and none of us will ever see you again. I'm sorry I wasn't a better partner, lover and friend and so you felt the need to find another.

I loved you. I really thought you were the one. I'm sorry I was wrong.

For My Ugliness in General

I'm sorry I have not eyebrows, I'm sorry I'm fat, I'm sorry I'm a coke-head, I'm sorry I'm no good, I'm sorry I'm a bad mother, I'm sorry for my ugliness in general

You Don't Know About My Life

I'm sorry I don't call you more often, and I'm sorry that I can't tell you everything a daughter should tell her mother. I'm sorry you don't know about my life, or my boyfriend, or my unborn child.

Splinter Me With Your Words

I'm sorry that I let you splinter me with your words and I let you manipulate me with your silence. I'm sorry that I hung on to the silence like they were words to the novel of my life.

I'm sorry that I stayed when I knew there were so many others. I'm sorry that the smell of them followed you to bed every couple of nights and lingered in the air I had to breath.

I'm sorry that I begged on hand and knees, with no shame in me, for you to stay when you tried to leave. I'm sorry I welcomed you back into our bed, our home and my life easily when you pretended to be in "despair" with out me.

I'm sorry that you needed to destroy me because of your fears. I'm sorry that I chose to understood why and so I put aside my soul into a tiny box, tucking it away on a shelf deep in the corner of my shoe closet.

I'm sorry that when you left I dragged out that shoe box, terrified of what I would find. I'm sorry that what I found was beautiful. Without you I learned to be strong.

I'm sorry that now, with the touch of every new lover, I feel revived and beautiful in a way that you chose to intentionally neglect!

I'm sorry now that your life has been destroyed and that you come back to me with a hope that I understand, I will not find the energy to entertain your void. That every time you tell me "this is not how your life was meant to be", I feel satisfaction knowing I don't long to be apart of it.

I'm sorry that I don't feel sorry for you anymore. The relieve is blinding! I have apologized to myself.

Perez Hilton

I'm sorry that I occasionally check out Perez Hilton.

Seriously, talk about soul-tapping shit. There is so much going on in the world, in my life, in my friend's and family's lives..... why the fuck do I take the time to read the bs of someone I don't respect as opposed to focusing on the real shit. Is human nature weakness? Is it weak to call weakness human nature?

To Coco

Coco, Rest assured that what happened this weekend was only to stop you from continuing to try to be my friend. I know that I'll never hear the specific apology that I want and would need. I'm sorry that this need has been between us for 6 months and now always will be.

Spin it how you will but how would I have known that you were in relationship? It sure didn't seem like you were from what you had written just last week. The way things happened, happened. A huge part of me must've wanted it but I could not have planned it that way; I'm sorry that you believe that I am such a horrible person but please remember that I didn't send the text in the email and I didn't refute your statements about you not emailing me. I let you say those things and did not strike back. You can say whatever you want about me, but we'll both know that I had proof and could have sent it, but I chose not to.

I'm sorry. I know that you only want to be my friend and that maybe in some weakness or loneliness were thinking of me. I did love you but really, it's best for me this way. Maybe some day you won't see me as such a horrible person and I will be able to see that you really understand what I needed, when but most of all why.

Avo

Your Password, Your Email

I am sorry I figured out your password and read your email constantly. But I only do it because I thought you were cheating on me, and anyway, it turned out I was right.

Can't Believe in You Anymore

I feel the need to say I am sorry, sorry for no longer caring what you do or how you are doing it. Sorry that I can't believe in you anymore. Sorry you made me a fool for all these years. No you are not winning because I am giving up in trying, but you are losing the best of anything you ever had. or will have. I am the only thing real you ever had.You can plant yourself forcably in my life but you won't ever touch my heart again. I wish you well with all your relationships and hope you never run out of lies to tell them. or brown bags to put over there heads.

I Am Sorry We Never Dated

i am sorry that you will never see what a good girlfriend i could have been.

i am sorry truly if anyone ever hurts you the way you hurt me.

i am sorry we never dated. just were "together".

i am sorry i hope that one day you will want me back.

and i am sorry to say but i hope i am over you.

I Weakened and Called

I'm sorry I called and texted your phone last night just to hear your voice, just to ask if you got what you wanted by leaving, even though I know you won't answer. I don't know why after more than a year I gave in to the temptation and called. I'm sorry I did, because now the pain is back as bad as ever and I wonder if I'll ever be able to get past it and you. I'm so sorry for everything, so full of regret and shame, but also so full of anger at what you did, how you betrayed your vows and me with all those months of lies, how you got your judgment by perjuring yourself to the judge that we had an agreement when we didn't, how in the end you, all by yourself, ended what it took two of us, a minister and both our families, and the county to do. I'm sorry for the laws that make a marriage contract worthless. I'm sorry I didn't have that judgment thrown out as I could have, but I was in too much pain to act. Unless or until you ever can see and acknowledge what you've done and ask my forgiveness I'm sorry I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you. And I'm sorry I weakened and called.

I Didn't Pick Up the Phone

I'm sorry I didn't pick up the phone. I'm sorry that I waited two days to call you back. I'm sorry that I didn't leave a message. I wanted to but I didn't want you to hear my voice and be satisfied enough to not call me back. I didn't forget about you, I just needed to pull away and pretend like I don't care about you for you to want me again. I'm sorry that was a manipulative move on my part but it worked like a charm. I'm just afraid that you may no longer want me anymore. I'm sorry for wanting you and getting attached to you so quickly in the first place. I didn't expect that to happen but I couldn't help it. I'm sorry for looking at your photos again and again, and listening to your messages again and again. Your's are the only ones I save and I'm sorry for wanting to hear your voice. I just want things back the way they were but I don't think I'm capable of letting that happen. I'm sorry for seeing another guy. He's nice and he doesn't have any hang ups. But he's not you. I'm sorry for wanting his personality with your body and confidence. I feel like a guy saying that but it's the truth. I'm sorry for sending you that text message. I wish I could take it back.

Please Be There This Week

I'm sorry you wern't there yesterday.

Or the week before.

I'm sorry. Please be there this week.

These Stupid Situations

I'm NOT sorry im not coming to your party.

im sorry i used fake exuses.

im sorry i know i wont be comfortable in the situation. im sorry so that instead i will stay at home on my own and cry the night out.

im sorry that ive already thought of lies i can tell you about my interesting night.

im sorry i get myself into these stupid situations...

The One Who Misses You

I'm sorry I have never told you the truth.

I'm sorry I said wrong things and I lied that I was indifferent and that I didn't care.

I'm sorry I behaved in an ambivalent manner.

I'm sorry I teased you all the time.

I'm sorry that I ever started playing these stupid mind games.

I'm sorry that I said I wasn't attracted to you when you were leaving.

I'm sorry I was so scared because I didn't know how you felt and I couldn't read your thoughts.

I'm sorry I will never find out if you like me or not.

The one who misses you.

Your Winnie Cooper

I'm sorry I couldn't stop from falling in love and now I hurt you.

I'm sorry I ever made you feel unwanted.

I'm sorry you felt like you had to prove something to me & that I didn't make you feel like the most beautiful man on the planet.

I'm sorry the thought of you with another girls gets me sick.

I'm sorry you couldn't wait any longer.

I'm sorry because I want to be the love of your life, your Winnie Cooper.

Being a Father Figure

I'm sorry that I continuously look for in the men I date what you couldn't provide for me when I grew up.

Being a father figure.

I never call you, and when I do, it's my fault we don't talk. You never call me unless you want to look like a good dad for the day.

And then I call you panicking, in absolute terror and pain, because I worried I had a disease and had been cheated...and it was like nothing to you.

All of those things ended up being untrue, but... you don't know that because you never called. So, as far as you know, your daughter is heartbroken and has AIDS and you aren't calling to console her. You'd know the truth if you would just be a parent.

Thanks a lot.

Anti Retro-Viral Tabs

i am sorry i mixed anti retro-viral tabs with your oat meal, that funny taste wasn't the milk, it was the grounded tabs.Guess you know how it feels to be to be HIV positive.

The Right Time

I'm sorry but I just don't know,

I know you said I told you so.

When you're happy and you're feeling fine,

Then you'll know it's the right time.

Then you'll know it's the right time.

For Ranting About Nonsensical Emotional Crap

Let me start off by saying I don't think I'm a bad person. There are lots of sayings like, "what we do defines us," or "it is not our choices that determine who we are, it is who we are that determines our choices." ALL CRAP!! From my experience perfectly normal, nice and intelligent people can make fucked up and irrational decisions that harm themselves and those around them. Sometimes this is done on purpose, sometimes not, but the cluster-fuck of a result remains none the less.

With that said, this is the position I find myself in. I look back at my choices, and cannot pin-point one thing that set off this train-wreck in my life (maybe because there were so many aspects that contributed.) I moved and ditched my friends from school. I got new friends that were a BAD influence; I let them be though, which is my own damn fault. I left my family. I got engaged. I cheated. I had an abortion. I cheated again. I am now not engaged and dating one of the guys I cheated on my-ex with.

I've lied to everyone I've ever loved. I lie to myself most of all. I'm sorry I have never had the strength to let someone really know me, to let someone know all of my secrets. I'm sorry I am too afraid that they'll realize I really am a horrible person, and that my soul is not worth loving. I'm sorry I am too cynical to believe in religion, or really anything at all, including other people.. even family. I'm sorry the words "unconditional love" are something I don't think I will ever know.

All of that I said, the thing I am truly sorry about, is that I don't think I am a bad person. I am a betrayer of trust; yet it is something I revert back to time and time again, which is stupid, and I don't know why I do it.

Last of all, I'm sorry to anyone who is reading this, for ranting about nonsensical emotional crap, because I can't tell anyone I actually know that I am going insane in my own skin. I really am sorry.

To the Impossible Future

I'm sorry I'm falling for you. You're married. You're over 20 years my senior. You're so handsome and smart and elusive. So, so impossibly deliciously forbiddenly hard to get. I can imagine how it would start. I fancy that it has, but I know it is only me who's heart races when our eyes connect for that brief, academic second. That impossibly brief second which is but a common courtesy to you. You who have given up all of your vices. I communicate with you but you do not play along. I'm clever and I know how to oh so slightly oh so gently play it not so safe. But you are clever, too. Much cleverer than I. You must know I am after you. Maybe you don't believe it or can't believe it or won't let yourself believe it or maybe you just don't want me, but you do not play along. They've played along in the past. I'm no stranger to this game but you are Smart. You know that it is a dangerous game and you are Settled. You do not play along but you are so very handsome and tall and peppered with age. Just the right amount. And so Smart. And strong. Too strong. I wish you would play along. I could be your rejuvenation. You could be that dark cool strong who lies heavy with knowledge under the transient stream. I fantasize about a moment of insanity. Just a word from you would be all I need. I like to hide. I seek escape.

Peace

I'm sorry I can't talk to you; I'm sorry I'll never have the guts to tell you how I really feel, and what I think. I'm sorry I said yes to you, and that we got engaged. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in 5 months. I'm sorry that I still love you and I can't stop thinking about you. I fell in love with you, thinking you would be there for me - you weren't.

You live so far away, but I thought we could figure that out as we went. You never talked to me, and now that it comes down to it I can't talk to you. I'm afraid if I do, I will tell you I want you back. I'm sorry to my new boyfriend, who will never understand why I can't trust that he'll be there for me, or why I still have nightmares and am afraid of the dark. I'm sorry I'm so weak, and emotional. I've never believed watching those stupid reality shows on tv that you can not only love, but be in love with more than one person at a time. Boy was I WRONG!!

It is entirely possible, and absolutely horrible. I'm sorry I'm not sure of the decision I would make if my fiancee was here, and available for me to hug. I'm sorry I take marriage very seriously, and look at engagements as a promise of marriage. You broke my trust though, and I'm sorry I am static and cannot resume my life.

I love you, and him, and not myself. I'm sorry.

But It's the Truth

I'm sorry that I hate you. I tried not to, but you're such a bitch that I can't help myself. You are so full of yourself that you ought to explode from the pressure. In fact, I wish you would. You are SO not that hot. Everyone is sick to death of your constant bragging about things nobody cares about. You have a job. You have a man. You have the best this and the best that, better than what any of US have. So fucking what! Do you think we care? Do you care what WE have? NO. All you can do is talk about YOU. All you CARE about is YOU. Why won't I come to your STUPID party? D'uh. You're a fucking fake bitch who can't be bothered to come to MY parties. You always have "things to do." Everyone has to come to YOUR parties though, because YOUR parties are centered around YOU. Whatever. I'm not the only one who hates you, but I'm the only one who will tell you that I do. I'm sorry that I can't like you, K. If only you were real and not a fake bitch then I probably could like you. But...huh. You can't be real. You're fake to the bone, and everyone knows it. YOU probably even know it. You obviously think we hate you because we're jealous, but that's not it. It's because YOU ARE A FAKE BITCH. You can't have real friends if YOU aren't real. You fail at life. Sorry, but it's the truth.

Procrastination

I'm sorry that I'm procrastinating the completion of my work so badly that I have just sat here and read the above apologies.

I'm also sorry for the milk duds that I'm about to eat out of nervous energy.

That We Did Not Work Out

I'm sorry that we did not work out this last time. I really wanted us to, but I think deep down we knew we were too different. I'm sorry that you might feel bitterness towards me. I miss you a lot and it hurts to know we can't be friends right now and that this was the LAST time we could try. I wish you were happy with your life and you were the actor you wanted to be and that you had a job you enjoyed. I'm sorry I couldn't help motivate you and you took it as critism instead of me just loving you. I'm also sorry I wasn't as Greek as you would have liked or gave you space when you asked for it. I wish that we were better at communicating. We should have went to talk to someone, but all in all, I am sorry. And I'm sad.

I Always Want the Other

I'm sorry for never sticking to the one I've got. I always want the Other. The Older, the More Experienced, the Better Settled. That's my apology to you. My apology to me is that I'm sorry for not being able to take the milk out of the fridge once it has soured. It's time is long since past, but I seem to have to have an opportune time to throw it out. I'm sorry that I find myself waiting for the "Right Time" to break up with you, instead of just doing it quick, like a papercut you never expected.

That She Was Flirting with You

I'm sorry that I can't get over the fact that she was flirting with you, knew she was stepping over the lines of appropriateness but kept on going.

I'm sorry that you don't think enough of our relationship to have told her to stop.

I'm not sorry about what I did to try and let her know that you are NOT available.

I'm angry that she then lied to other people and to you about it and that you see absolutely nothing wrong with being friends with her. She keeps saying things to get you to compliment her so she can reel you in and you either don't see it or you hope that your relationship with her WILL go somewhere.

I'm sorry that you can't seem to see she was completely disrespectful of me and of our relationship and that you can't see or don't care how much this is hurting me.

I'm sorry if I am wrong in thinking that you are maintaining a relationship with her specifically to hurt me. It sure feels and looks like it to me.

If anyone ever treated you like she treated me, I sure as hell wouldn't be friends with them and would tell them in no uncertain terms, if they tried to contact me, that what they had done was wrong and hurtful.

I'm sorry you seem to feel the need to hurt me. I'm sorrier that I don't have the self-respect to tell you that it's her or me and then follow through when you choose her.

I'm sorry I can't just let this go.

That I Come On Here All the Time

I'm sorry that I come on here all the time, hoping to read notes from you... and then I see phrases like My Sweetest Downfall, and want to cry, because I think of Regina Spektor and how at one time, that song meant EVERYTHING. I still can't listen to it without crying.

Why Am I Writing You This

it's looping in my mind, over and over again, the things you said;

in the end; as always, i'm too afraid to ask about you and your view on relationship;

i want to figure out why, so that i can know you better, in a way;

i don't think it's because of me, but even so, you would've told me that it's not because of me, then again, it is a question too personal for me to ask anyway; you probably wont want me to know you that well;

we have never get too personal with each other; though at times i wanted to try so badly but i insist myself not to; but then, even if i try, you would've said no anyway, like i know you would or you can even lie;

i begin to think that i am actually making this trap that you are so ready to get out of, then i make you draw yourself back to this trap again and again; at the same time i am falling into the same trap myself;

you're being more sensible than i am; i suppose; wanting to be just friends and all;

you said you're weak; unfortunately i am weaker; being reckless and insensible;

i hated myself for not being able to say no;

i hated myself for being so useless and powerless in front of all this;

there's so much addiction to this attraction;

it's far from just being to be able to make love to you;

it's not just that;

it's something beyond that;

at least to me;

it's when you keep on talking and how i don't feel annoy at all;

it's when you always ask me a question that i unable to answer;

it's when you and i have to crack our head having to make stupid decision and have light-hearted quarrel for whatever that we have to make decision about;

it's when you always ask me about something and my opinion is somewhat almost always the contrary; (which i think that quite make sense, coz if you like everything i like and i like everything you like, then i wouldn't have like you the way i like you now);

it's when you and i deliberately annoy the hell out of each other just for the fun of it;

it's when how you and i laying around to watch a movie;

it's when Maroon 5 turned up randomly on your i-pod and it makes me feel very happy;

it's when you're sleeping and i am able to hear you snoring and wake up beside you the next day;

it's when you and i are making a random conversation over a small cup of morning coffee;

it's how i am able to say something awfully silly and not to be seen as silly;

it's when i am able to touch and hold you without saying a word;

it's when how i know it's enough just by knowing that you are there;

and i could go on..............

these are the little unnoticeable feelings that made it all up for as long as i could remember the things that have had happened between us;

all these things are the things that i can't say no to;

i would've still enjoy myself being with you;

even without doing anything;

even without saying a word;

even without making love to you;

it's beyond that now;

i seem ridiculously stupid to have made you think that all my staying with you was because i want to make love to you;

i would've still stay, even if i can't make any love to you, i would've still stay;

the thought of always presuming things will be more bearable by saying less was wrong;

but in my case, i don't think it would help anyway if i talk too much;

i will just confuse people and myself even more;

that's just me;

and i couldn't think of the reason why am i writing you this;

presumably, this is just something stupid that i needed to do.

i am sorry.

Sista Said Knock You Out

Im sorry that your sister got jealous and knocked you out when she found out we were dating. Its not my fault that you lied and told i had been DEAD so for the longest time she visited a *John Smith gravestone belonging to someone who had died fighting for our country in 1863! We're over and im taking your sister back! Later Brah!

Sorry I've Led You On for So Long

i'm sorry i've led you on for so long. i'm sorry you have no clue that i don't love you. i'm sorry you don't know that i've never loved you. i'm sorry i don't find you beautiful. i'm sorry i am not proud to call you my girl. i'm sorry that to most of the other people in my life, you don't even exist. i'm sorry about the day i let you go. theres never a good time, but i feel it coming. sorry.

Verbally Abusive

I'm sorry I can't talk to you anymore, you're verbally abusive and I realize that I'm better than that. I'm sorry that you can't be a better person.

The Philips Shaver

I am sorry for buying the Philips shaver in 1987 from Darryl even though I was aware it was stolen.

Caught in a Cycle of Inertia and Indecision

I am sorry that this depression has caused me to be caught in a cycle of inertia and indecision; in the process, I have hurt people without meaning to do so.

I feel so very sorry for having hurt A and D because of my poor choices, which were partly fueled by deep depression and anxiety.

I'm sorry to my grandmother for disappointing her after all the things she did for me.

I Am Sorry I Was Blind

I am sorry that I have made a mistake that hurt others, people I love most in life and a few others and in the aftermath I probably have done the worst damage to myself for 5 years.

Amazing given the fact I have lived my entire life trying so hard to make everyone else happy, worrying about them over myself and just constantly caretaking since childhood. I succeeded unless by accident and I honestly don't know if I blew it it was a mistake.

I have paid the price for years. I've been haunted by words, actions and feelings of despair when I realized you were not who I thought and matched with your words ad action. Some of the above emails reind me of different aspects of the one I am referring to and you are beyond confusing.

I am sorry I missed all the signs that you were nothing like I believed and I allowed you to fool me into thinking you were someone who deserved me, my adoration and trust. The person who made me feel safer than ever yet I see you ended up being the very person I needed protection from...habits are breaking I am seeing that's been something not easy but it is stopping and my feelings will keep diminishing. The disrespect, the needing to sleep around with others, flip flopping on your feelings for me is so stupid and you will be sorry when you see it was a mistake and it is too late.

I am sorry I let you think I was willing to put up with some crazy idea that you could continue to keep up your nonsene without getting bounced by not being vocal that while witnessing you turning into who you really are and sadly, lots of things I loved you no longer have those qualities and mybe never did.

Sorry, you became a science project because it is far from truth of who you really are which is fine and I hope you are happy living in a way that makes you happy but that way does not work for me.

I am sorry I blew off replacements which would have helped to take up that space in my brain that I allowed your mind blowing, devastating and timesucking treatments to control me and my innerself.

I am sorry for those I hurt that didn't deserve but maybe the fact I wasted a half a decade on this "learning nightmare" excursion will make them happy. I am sorry for the person who I hurt yet is always reliable and when I need something is there even when he doesn't have to be and you never are and haven't been in so long yet I have been for you at every turn. I am so sorry for that the most.

I am sorry I wasn't myself because if I had been, you would have matbe behaved better and I wouldn't have had pent up anger.

I am sorry I WAS blind, I missed that you weren't a man of your word and I am sorry I did things I just needed to do to "know" what was with the fact in person you were one person and go away and act like a different person. I didn't lose self esteem just lost some hope and faith in people because I was not the me I am and can be.

I am sorry that you now feel like you do about me and whatever that is is unfair and one sided. All you had to do was ask....I am sorry I lost my close friends because of you and you did a lot of that becauseif your insecurities and now I am starting all over because I believed you were the priority. Sorry we just did not stay friends and that is it and we would be happy.

That I Forgave You

I'm really sorry that I forgave you for cheating on me and told you that it was ok for you to try and make it ok. I don't want to be with you anymore because I can't trust you and I don't want to either. I'm really sorry that I have put you through hell in trying to make it up and I'm sorry that I've put myself through this because you have no idea of what it is to treat a woman with respect and love. You're selfish and I'm sorry that I allowed you to do whatever you want with me. Most of all I'm sorry because I don't respect you at all and there is nothing you can do about that. I'm sorry that I met you.

I Guess That Makes Us Equal

I am sorry that you are hurting. I am hurting too. Guess that makes us equal huh?

I am sorry that you are broke. I am broke too. Guess that makes us equal huh?

I am sorry you have to sleep alone. I sleep alone every night too. Guess that makes us equal huh?

I am sorry that you cant forgive me. Well I cant forgive you either. Guess that makes us equal huh?

I am sorry that you will spend the rest of your life wondering if we did the right thing. I am wondering that myself. I guess that makes us equal huh?

I am sorry you feel betrayed. I feel just as betrayed. Guess that makes us equal huh?

Two people who are hurting, broke, alone, unforgiving, wondering and betrayed.

I am sorry for ever believing that we could work it it....I guess you believe that too...dont you?

I guess that makes us equal....huh?

Your Member

I am sorry, that you do not realize that when you say hurtful things to me, it actually does hurt (that would be me and not you). I am sorry that I was secretly satisfied when I made the comment about your "member" and saw how it crushed your ego. I guess the shoe really fit!

The Toothpaste Tasted Funny

I am sorry that I put your toothbrush in my ass and didn't tell you. I am sure the toothpaste tasted funny. Again, sorry about that.

That Cops Didn't Find Enough Evidence

im sorry that cops didn't find enough evidence to put your ass in jail and give custody of sierra to us. im sorry that you wont clean your house and that sierra has lice every time we get her. im sorry that you neglect her, she deserves to be loved. im sorry that you're too incompetent to know that love is a verb. im sorry that sierra has bruises all over her body from a 3 year old who doesn't have enough fucking supervision to know better. im sorry that tim ever gave sierra back to you. you never deserved to have her to begin with. im sorry that you think you're going to get away with this and that you believe you're going to be able to keep her. im sorry that when we do finally have custody that we will make damn sure that if you ever get to see her again that it will be limited and that we will brainwash her to hate you.

My Anorexia

im sorry that i feel the need to weigh 74 lbs. i know it's unhealthy and i know im killing myself slowly. im sorry that im not ready to be the healthy attractive woman you want me to be, and that im choosing to be the sick little girl that needs to be taken care of. im sorry that my anorexia is hurting you so much, and im sorry that it's killing me.

That I Like to Steal

im sorry that i like to steal...im sorry that i can't seem to stop.

That I Cheated

Im sorry that i cheated i guess i couldn't wait for you to become someone good for me i waited and waited and nothing ive changed for you and all you had to do was change for me. i told you what i needed and what i wanted and you still show no emotion for me. you acted like you didnt care i cryed and cryed hoping you'd notice me but you kept on like i wasn't there so i cheated and im sorry but i was alone with no one and you didnt care

A Lazy Loser

im sorry mom & dad...im so fuckin lazy & a loser.

My Stupid, Emotional Self

I'm not sure that I can talk to you anymore, at least outside of work-related things. It's not really your fault, it's mine. I should have known this about myself, that I cannot compartmentalize my feelings the way other people can. I care about you a lot, probably too much, and that combined with what has already transpired between us and my own feelings of self-worth (or lack thereof) have made talking with you agonizing. I understand that the two of us should not talk about anything having to do with anything we have done in the past, but listening to you talk about other women and what you find attractive (and the fact that it is not in any way resembling anything about me) makes me feel even worse about myself. I know you don't do it on purpose, but that is just how I feel about it, and I'm sorry that I'm so emotional about everything. I guess that's just how I am, and right now I'm not able to do anything about it.

My dad says that I am really too emotional, and I get emotional about things that I shouldn't. Well, I could have told him that, because the hard time that I'm having with school this semester is a prime example.

I'll be honest. I know that I care about you too much, and that I care what you think about me too much. I know this because of how I feel when I can't talk to you, and how I feel when you talk about other people, and how I keep running to you with all my problems.

I've tried dealing with this on my own. I realized this actually quite a while ago, when you went on vacation and I knew I couldn't talk to you for a week. But frankly, I need your help, because it doesn't seem to be working on my own. I'm not sure how you can help me, and I really don't know what exactly I expect from you, but I guess I just can't deal with it on my own anymore. Yes, there are people I could talk to about it (namely my therapist) but I am really not comfortable talking to him about this, because as stupid as it sounds, I really don't want him to think I'm a nutcase. It seems like I put way too much stock into how I feel about some guy and not into my work. Okay, that's not what I think, but sometimes I think that's what HE will think.

Anyway, now I'm just rambling. The bottom line is, I understand that my feelings about you have gotten out of hand. I understand that this type of thing keeps happening to me. What I don't understand is why I keep letting it happen, and I guess that's what talk therapy is for. I don't know, maybe because I have gone so long without a romantic relationship I tend to blur the lines between friendship and otherwise, and that doesn't just have to do with guys, by the way. I've had similar thoughts about other women.

At this point, I still haven't decided if I want to send this to you or not, because as much as I think I'm out of hand, I still don't want to lose our friendship, but being this upset about it is part of the problem, isn't it? I'm not sure what I need to feel like I'm worth something again, and I know you can't really give it to me, but of course, you are always the person I think of first when I need to talk to someone about what is going on with me.

I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry I ruined everything with my stupid, emotional self. I'm sorry that I put your family into more turmoil than was already there. I'm sorry you ever had to get involved with someone as unstable and outlandish as myself, and I'm sorry that there isn't anything I can do to change this right now. I'm just so sorry. Please forgive me.

-A

The Prospect of Death

I'm sorry i'm becoming rapidly obsessed with the prospect of death.

For Not Being a Good Son

im sorry to my parents...

for not being a good son to them...

im so sorry.. i love you mom and dad..

Betrayal of Sisters

I will forever be truly sorry that I broke your trust, and betrayed you for a man. You are my older sister, and I love you, and I never meant to hurt you by choosing him, before trusting you. I knew you liked him, and that he was a great friend, now I fear none of us will ever be as close. I'm moving out now, at your request, but my soul burns with a conflagration of pain and regret. I am not sure what hurts more, that I was such a source of pain, or that now I fear I have caused trust issues for you that will extend beyond this tragedy. I cannot be the one to scar your future friendships or relationships, that would be unbearable.

I have no right to ask for anything, especially forgiveness, but I hope one day you find it in your heart to love me again, because until then I will find no solace or peace and will find living with myself to be a constant reminder of the pain I have caused.

That I Put on Weight

I'm sorry that I put on weight to avoid dating so that I wouldn't be hurt or violated again and that you met me at pick up stix of all places and saw in my eyes that I was hiding. I'm sorry that you think that I'm okay with not meeting your friends because you think my feelings would be hurt and I wouldn't be able to handle it. I'm sorry that even though in the past few months I've lost 30 pounds and still have some more to go and that you're still not ready for the people who think your this big stud player to meet the fat chick that you tell her you love her and want to be with her but just not in front of your friends. I'm sorry but I just don't trust you not after what I've been thru with men.

That I'm So Trusting

I'm sorry that I'm so trusting. That in the last two years, I have been hurt so much that I have now turned into the girl I always hated... the needy girl who always needs to feel desired. I am trying to break that but I'm sorry that right now I have two wonderful men interested in me and I can't stop feeling paranoia.

I'm sorry to K, who realized only after I'd given up so much that he didn't know "what he wanted."

I'm sorry to N, who is stuck in a bad relationship and can't admit it to himself but loves to send me messages claiming he loves me.

I'm sorry to D, my loving ex husband, that I can't love you the way you love me, even though you are the only person who has been with me through everything.

I'm sorry to K and M... apparently one day I'm going to scare you away because I want someone to be faithful and love me and apparently to most men this seems to be too much to ask.

And I'm sorry most of all to the people who say they don't know what they want. Maybe I was born with a gift, but I know what I want when I want it, and I don't lead anyone on in my own pursuit of happiness. I'm sorry I have trusted so much that I ended up hurting myself most of all!

The Cell Phone Incident

I'm sorry that I knocked your cell phone out of your hand at the bar. I'm also sorry that you forced me to do it by texting your ex-girlfriend that will never get back together with you. I'm sorry for the bartenders who got less tips because you drank less because you were texting her all night while the rest of us were having fun.

I'm sorry that you will probably charge me $200 for a phone you could get for $20 on Ebay and I'm sorry to myself that I will probably pay you for it.

My Sweetest Downfall

I'm sorry but my heart is breaking every time I come home to visit you. Can you not see that in my eyes?

Can you not also see that I have feelings for your best friend too, even after all this time?

I'm sorry that love does not conquer all, you're my sweetest downfall.

Hormones or What

Dear Mom,

I'm sorry for always spending your money every week, I don't mean to hurt anyone. I'm sorry for always being bossy and picky lately. I don't know if it is just hormones or what but I am sorry. I hope I can stop this. I think its stress that is taking over my body. I'm fighting it but I don't think I'm fighting enough.

Pleasantly Ambivalent

I'm sorry I'm not pleasantly ambivalent about your existence. Under ideal situations, you would be someone I thought of only when I had to see you regarding a kid drop-off or pick-up. But you've been in my face for 2 years, standing in the way of my happiness, working at every turn to undermine it. I'm afraid I'll always feel strongly about your existence. Namely: that you had none.

For Steve

Steve, I am truly sorry. I wish you would have forgiven me before closing me out entirely. I wish we hadn't fought so much. You were a good friend, and I missed you for a long, long time before I realized that all I wanted was to know you forgave me so I wouldn't feel so badly about myself.

To the Woman Who Was Abused

To the woman who was abused on 10/29 --

I'm sorry you had to go through what you did. NO ONE deserves that.

Get away and start over. You are an inspiration to be such a strong woman.

Tell everyone your story -- we can all learn from it!

Sorry his sorry ass will never learn. He'll die alone, honey!

To My Parents, To the World

im sorry to my parents, to the world, & to myself for not being good at anything. i don't think i'll ever amount to anything. it's like life doesnt want to even give me a chance for any kind of shit. not work/career, friends. or my creativity most importantly. i am a rotting artist. im sorry most importantly to myself for not doing anything with my artistic talents. i don't know who to talk to. i can't even make friends in general...much less friends in the field that i belong to, or friends with similar interests as i have. believe me readers for i have tried. im not giving up. im just depressed. i wish i could just vanish.

What a 360

i can't believe you are such a douche-bag. what a 360! i'm sorry that you have not grown up yet...in a very human sense. you think you are some kind of special shit...i hope one day someone fills you in on the fact that you're not...i feel bad for all the women that have had to deal with you in the past. i'm just glad i didn't get stuck in your quicksand. so also...sorry that i'm smarter than you think and that you won't get the pleasure of fucking me over :D

What a Loser

i'm sorry that i'm rediculously sick right now and because of that i'm up at 4 a.m. and on the internet. what a loser.

A Good Self

I'm sorry that I never tell you the good parts. Only the bad.

I know you have a good self inside.

Hammered

I'm sorry I got so hammered last night, drove my car into a lake, swam to the shore, and walked home in my underwear.

Dear Nicole or Nikki or Whatever

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go the heck away.

I am sorry you can not admit what you've done but you lost him. He's mine now. I know you suspect it so let me confirm it for you...I am going to marry him. I am. I love him more than anyone or anything in this world and as soon as your divorce is final, we will run to the chapel and get married. I am sorry if that hurts you but wait, no I'm not. You screwed up. Please admit it so we can get some closure in this matter.

I Just Can't Be Your Wife

I'm sorry that I don't love you anymore. I'm sorry I can forgive you for being mean to me. I'm sorry that our relationship is over. I wish there was a way to fix everything, but it's so messed up now I don't even know where to begin. I'm sorry that I don't want to be your wife. I can't live like my Mom - being married to someone who cares more about himself than her - being married to someone who is mean to her - I just can't. I just can't be your wife. And I'm so sorry for that, but I've made up my mind and I won't be looking back, not anymore.

When I Was 16

Dear mom, i'm sorry about all the mean things that i said to you in my suicide note when i was 16. I was a jerk. Hey, I was a teenager... I know we're still not that close, and I can't ever tell you anything because of that, but you're not a bad mom. You're a pretty darn good one relative to the entire pool, I'd say. I'm not always a great daughter, but I try, and I like to think we're fine. I hope you don't remember what I said. I don't, really - it wasn't my greatest night - but i know it was unkind, and i know it was accusatory and unfair. I'm older now, i can take responsibility for my own feelings and my own shortcomings, without dumping everything on you. I hope you're happy and content in your life, and not wishing for more than i will give you. I'm sorry i will never ever be able to say things to you in actuallity. Because I won't. Sorry...

I Can't Figure Out What I Want

I'm sorry I don't know if I love you or not.

You adore me so much I can't take it. I want to love you and I want to be happy with you. I'm sorry that I'm not.

I'm sorry I love you when I need you and I'm sorry I don't love you when I don't need you.

I'm sorry I pick fights. I'm sorry you aren't good enough for me. I'm sorry I stay so I won't be alone.

I'm sorry I can't figure out what I want.

To You and Your Family

To you and your family,

I'm sorry that I got involved, that I tempted you away from your loving wife and daughter. I'm sorry that our friendship is suffering now because of the hurt we caused your wife.

Most importantly, though, I'm sorry that I have feelings for you and that I can never tell you about them. You can't possibly feel the same way, and even if you did it wouldn't matter, because I know you would never hurt your wife and daughter any more with this situation.

I'm also sorry that you are stuck in this marriage that is causing you unhappiness. That you don't have anything in common with your wife, though you love her and what you have created together. I'm sorry that you aren't really compatible, and that I can't really be that for you either. I'm sorry that we have to be separated by 15 years and an unhappy marriage. I'm just sorry.