So I Would Like to Apologize Instead

This is to someone in particular, but at the same time... It is to no one but my conscious.

I would say that I am sorry; however you are not a sorry person. Just a man with wounds that is feeling sorry for himself, because he never took the time to love himself.

So I would like to apologize instead. There is two sides to every apology. The side that is like:

...eff that you should be apoligizing to me, for not having your shit together and involving me in your shit. Then later realizing that the shit was deeper that you thought; and now you have to eliminate things in your life. Thanks for eliminating me out of your life; however you say we are supposed to be friends. Great friends at that. Well, you didn't call me back to explain...just said you were confused about life.

Well, news flash we are all confused about life. That is why we put things in God's hands and his plans.(sorry God for the previous cuss words in this document.)

But yet, you try to give me hope; when you have no hope for yourself by saying "who knows what will happen in three years, maybe we can try again"...

Well, I have never been the one to sit arund and twiddle my thumbs. I don't live in a false world. If you want to be released. Then be released... too many woman stay stagnant and never know how it is to love themselves to let their past and people go in their life that is taking from them. You will not take my joy, as you have allowed people and circumstance to take yours.

But yet and still, there is the other side of the apology. The one where I have to humble myself and realize, that we are at different places in life. The one where I realize that I didn't know myself enough to open up to you. Which made it harder for you to open up to me, and now we are at this place of seperation. I apologize for not saying all the things I wanted to say until it was the last minute. By then you had already made up your mind that you was not strong enough to try. I knew this was coming. Yet, I waited until it blew up in myself. However, we as people have to be the bigger person and take the high road even if it is underlined with pain, hurt, and fear.

I apologize, because I have to release you. This weekeND I was willing to try. Willing to fight for you. But we will never be happy when you don't know and don't love yourself.

I apologioze that in a moment of self-centered desperation I tried to contact. Tried to get you to talk to me, when I realized that you needed to figure out life.

I have to release you, even though you are now alone. But God works better with us when we seperate ourselves.

So may you find peace and solace in yourself. That you could not find in me or in your job.

It's hard being young and going to school your whole life thinking you want to be something. And then you find out that something is not what you wanted or hoped for. But instead of determining to be Happy, you stay in a rut and complain about it...hoping that it will get better.

Lucky for me at the age of 20 I realized that what I thought I wanted, was not what I needed.

Now at 23, i can smile, in spite of hurt, because I am blessed by God to have learned early. So thanks for releasing me as well.

I look forward to meeting the man that should love himself one day. Hopefully, you won't die never knowing.

I have a calling, that is much greater...so I have to accept that and not try to keep myself in your mess.

I forgive you fool.

However, you let a great woman and proverbs 31 woman get away.

But who knows...I AM NOT WAITING TO FIND OUT...ha ha ha ha ha