Why Am I Writing You This

it's looping in my mind, over and over again, the things you said;

in the end; as always, i'm too afraid to ask about you and your view on relationship;

i want to figure out why, so that i can know you better, in a way;

i don't think it's because of me, but even so, you would've told me that it's not because of me, then again, it is a question too personal for me to ask anyway; you probably wont want me to know you that well;

we have never get too personal with each other; though at times i wanted to try so badly but i insist myself not to; but then, even if i try, you would've said no anyway, like i know you would or you can even lie;

i begin to think that i am actually making this trap that you are so ready to get out of, then i make you draw yourself back to this trap again and again; at the same time i am falling into the same trap myself;

you're being more sensible than i am; i suppose; wanting to be just friends and all;

you said you're weak; unfortunately i am weaker; being reckless and insensible;

i hated myself for not being able to say no;

i hated myself for being so useless and powerless in front of all this;

there's so much addiction to this attraction;

it's far from just being to be able to make love to you;

it's not just that;

it's something beyond that;

at least to me;

it's when you keep on talking and how i don't feel annoy at all;

it's when you always ask me a question that i unable to answer;

it's when you and i have to crack our head having to make stupid decision and have light-hearted quarrel for whatever that we have to make decision about;

it's when you always ask me about something and my opinion is somewhat almost always the contrary; (which i think that quite make sense, coz if you like everything i like and i like everything you like, then i wouldn't have like you the way i like you now);

it's when you and i deliberately annoy the hell out of each other just for the fun of it;

it's when how you and i laying around to watch a movie;

it's when Maroon 5 turned up randomly on your i-pod and it makes me feel very happy;

it's when you're sleeping and i am able to hear you snoring and wake up beside you the next day;

it's when you and i are making a random conversation over a small cup of morning coffee;

it's how i am able to say something awfully silly and not to be seen as silly;

it's when i am able to touch and hold you without saying a word;

it's when how i know it's enough just by knowing that you are there;

and i could go on..............

these are the little unnoticeable feelings that made it all up for as long as i could remember the things that have had happened between us;

all these things are the things that i can't say no to;

i would've still enjoy myself being with you;

even without doing anything;

even without saying a word;

even without making love to you;

it's beyond that now;

i seem ridiculously stupid to have made you think that all my staying with you was because i want to make love to you;

i would've still stay, even if i can't make any love to you, i would've still stay;

the thought of always presuming things will be more bearable by saying less was wrong;

but in my case, i don't think it would help anyway if i talk too much;

i will just confuse people and myself even more;

that's just me;

and i couldn't think of the reason why am i writing you this;

presumably, this is just something stupid that i needed to do.

i am sorry.