The Maiden Apologies

I'm not sorry about anything.

Response from Joe Apology: I'm sorry you feel that way!

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Dear Mother Nature,
I am sorry I haven't visited you lately. I miss you.

d.

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I apologize for not letting go. You don't deserve to have anything but all of my love, but life is just not that simple. I still smell her skin, hear her voice, feel her warmth. I will try harder but I am beginning to understand that the heart does not always listen to what is the right thing to do.

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Dear Asshole Boss -

I am sorry you are short and don't know how to deal with it in a more constructive, less obvious Napoleanic way. I am sorry your Dad continually berated you and you never learned to not do that to others. I am sorry that you have such a distrust for your employees who are working so hard to further YOUR dreams. I am sorry you don't share your financial rewards with those who helped you achieve them. I am sorry that you are blatantly in love with your stupid assisatant who will never sleep with you because you don't have enough money. I am sorry you don't realize the potential and value of the people around you including your beautiful wife, darling son, amazing sister, innovative and dedicated employees, reliable and hard working associates, and the list can go on and on. But most of all - I am sorry I ever came to work for you.

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girl at the bar, i'm sorry for leading you on and talking to you all night without telling you i have a significant other. that's why i got you number and didn't give you mine. that's also why i haven't called you.
-p.

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Hey Joe,
Sorry for all the stuff I steal from work. The paper clips, staples, occasional ream of paper, food from the fridge, you know, the little stuff. And I also like those post-it notes, they come in handy. And the sharpie pens.
Bless.

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Baby,
I ate all the chocolate.
I'll make it up to you ;).
Love, Bad Boy.

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I just want to tell somebody how sorry I am for pissing on my best friend's couch the other night when I was drunk. He still thinks it was the dog...I think it's kind of funny, but I'm also sorry.

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Dear Grandma,
I'm sorry I don't ever come out to see you. I know I call occassionally, and we share the Christmas cards every year, but I should really come visit you. I feel really guilty about it, especially because you've came to see me a few times. And I know it's not easy for you. I really want to try to come out this spring or summer. I'll try my best.

Love,
M

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I'm sorry that I stole $5 from my dad's wallet.

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I've always felt sorry for stoning this wild badger/beaver thing to death. I was camping with my 2 best friends, and we came across this thing. At first it was just playful--throwing a few rocks and sticks at it. But then we started getting carried away with it. It was getting really hurt, but we kept hitting it. It finally died. My one friend was really pissed off at me and the other guy. I did feel kinda guilty then, but not that much. As time passed, I've thought about it and feel really badly about it.

I hope that little guy can forgive me.

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To my co-worker,

I'm sorry that I talk behind your back. It's just that you really annoy me sometimes. You talk so much and your voice just starts to eat away at my brain. It's like you're trying to impress everybody, and the more people that are around, the more you yap. That's why I talk shit about you.

But when it's just us talking, you're pretty relaxed (for the most part). The truth is, I enjoy talking to you when it's like that. That's why I feel bad when I talk about you behind your back.

-X

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Ex-boyfriend,

I apologize for cheating on you when we were dating. I guess that's why we're ex'es now, eh?